[ Wander ] Healing and Fixing something

June has arrived so fast. Due to covid-19 pandemic, it seems it’s hard to use time effectively. I have been staying at home with my 4-years-ols and 2-years-old babies. Moreover, I still have to work, need to spend time to arrange everything in my house and cook. There are many parents who decided to send their children to hometown to live with grandparents during the “holiday”. I don’t have many options, so I and my husband need to arrange our time to do everything, my whole little family need to pass this difficult time together.

I thought too much about the way I’m going and about everything related to my upgrading progress. I planned to spend this month, June, to fix some broken relationship, especially with those who have relations in my family. Moreover, I need to heal my mind because I absolutely feel that I’m not okay, with myself, with my family, with my work, with everything around me. Even I talked to myself that I need to keep calm, think about positive things and spend my time to upgrade me. However, sometimes the anger was blooming without control. In another word, I cannot control myself when I felt anger. That’s terrible feeling and after all, I’m very tired.

Like some days…

I felt I lost all motivation of working, I hated lonely situation. I need someone to talk to, someone to share. However, after chatting, I felt absolutely more terrible. After all, I thought that I need to heal my mind first, then, I can do all things and face to all difficulties.

I reset my goal. I thought I was upgrading for a year but it was not true. Recent period was for setting up my thoughts, changing some habits that let me think that everything was better. However, I suddenly realized that the problem is in deep of my soul. My spirit is not stable, my emotion is easily out of control, I am angry with a small thing, then, I feel regret. That happens many time continuously. This terrible situation requires me to take any action to change. And I set a goal to “upgrading myself” in the next 3 years.

I will heal my mind and fix my issues instead of trying to rebuild the relationships with others. Even I live in my hive, doesn’t have many people to talk to and to hang out, I believe that I always have my family and I never stop going ahead.

That might be enough, at least for now.

2021.Jun.23

#healing #fix #mentalmind

Photo: ha11ok